Bernie Magica
by mischievousgoblin2012
Summary: He has a loving family and best friends, laughs and cries from time to time… Bernie Sanders, an eighth grader of USA middle school, is one of those who lives such a life. One day, he had a very capitalistic encounter. He doesn't know if it happened by chance or by fate yet. This is a fateful encounter that can change his destiny- This is the beginning of the election.
1. Chapter 1

"And with that, I'm officially announcing my candidacy for Class President!"

Bernie Sanders beamed at his classmates from the front of the room. Most didn't seem to care about his speech on the evils of capitalism in their school, but his best friend, Joe Biden, clapped for him.

His teacher frowned, and motioned for him to return to his seat. "That's great, Sanders, but you were only supposed to solve the equation on the board."

Bernie blushed as his peers snickered quietly. He had gotten carried away again, warning everyone that they shouldn't worship money like a golden idol.

"Moving on," said the teacher as Bernie sat down, "we have a transfer student joining us today! I'm sure you'll all give him a warm welcome."

A boy entered the classroom. Bernie found himself staring at the new student's beautiful toupee.

'I feel like... I've seen that wig before,' he thought to himself.

The boy cleared his throat. "My name's Donald, but you can call me Mr. Trump. I'm richer than all you suckers combined." He started pulling hundred dollar bills out and rubbing them all over his face while chuckling menacingly.

Bernie nearly choked. The new boy- Trump- was a filthy capitalist? Just his luck. And here he had hoped he'd be able to make a new friend.

"Oh, and by the way." Donald gave Bernie a piercing glare. "I'll be the next Class President. Looks like you don't 'sanders' a chance in this election!" The entire room erupted into laughter, including the teacher. "You see," Donald continued while still rubbing cash all over himself, "it's like, 'stand a chance,' but I used your name instead, because you won't win, because I'm rich."

Bernie couldn't believe it. His dreams were being crushed before his eyes by the thing he despised the most: the 1%.

* * *

A few hours had passed since the incident, and Joe Biden was attempting to comfort Bernie outside the school.

"Even if he is disgustingly rich, I'm sure everybody won't buy into his scheme!" Joe said while patting Bernie on the head. "They'll all be feelin' the Bern in no time. Just you wait."

"Thanks, Joe. I know I can count on you," he replied, somewhat comforted but still unsure of himself.

Joe grinned. "Of course! I was the last Class President's assistant after all. I know how the voters think." He checked his watch. "Oh man, I gotta go! You just watch out and be careful of that Trump." Joe's expression grew serious. "He's definitely up to no good, and that stunt in there only proves he sees you as a threat."

Bernie thanked him for the advice, and his friend left with a wave. He turned to leave the school grounds as well, but a dark figure blocked his path. Bernie's blood ran cold as he saw the familiar blonde toupee.

Trump's eyes bored into him. "Sanders, we need to talk."

"A-about what?" stammered Bernie as he searched desperately for an escape route.

"There are things... you don't know about yet. Things about me, yourself, even this world. But I'm here to give you a warning." Donald Trump walked closer until Bernie had to look up to see his face. "We have a disaster called the big lie: Obamacare... And it's going to get worse, because remember, Obamacare really kicks in in '16, 2016. Obama is going to be out playing golf. He might be on one of my courses. I would invite him, I actually would say. I have the best courses in the world, so I'd say, you what, if he wants to— I have one right next to the White House, right on the Potomac. If he'd like to play, that's fine."

As Bernie attempted to make sense of all that, Trump continued. "I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. And you, Sanders, shouldn't get in my way." He shoved Bernie aside and strode away, leaving him reeling.

What could any of that possibly mean... Who was this strange, wealthy, balding boy? Bernie collapsed to his knees in despair. If Trump made a meaningless yet awe-inspiring speech like that in the election, he wouldn't even need his mountains of cash. The presidency would be his.

Visions of a Trump-controlled class overcame him. Overpriced textbooks, expensive student loans, walls closing their classroom off from the rest of the school... A tear dropped out of Bernie's eye. Just as the thought that he should give up on his campaign entered his mind, Bernie heard a voice.

"If you give up, it's over. But you have the power to change this destiny. All this tragedy, all this capitalism, you can change it if you want. The power to do so lies within you." He looked up to see a white, catlike animal watching him, perched on a nearby wall. Its tail flicked back and forth as it waited for his response.

"I can change it?" he asked, too shaken up by the day's events to even question what was happening. "Even someone like me can do something to help. Can I really change how this ends?"

"Of course you can, Bernie Sanders." The strange animal's round eyes shone red. "Just make a contract with me, and become a magical girl!"


	2. Chapter 2

Bernie Sanders ran as fast as he could, his footsteps echoing off tiled floors and through the endless halls of the building he had found himself in.

Moments ago, he had recognized some of his surroundings from a school project he had done a few years back. But that wasn't possible.

How could Bernie be inside the White House?

He kept running through the long, white corridor, even though he was on the verge of collapse. All he knew was that he had to get outside, wherever that was.

After what seemed like days, Bernie finally reached the door. He swung it wide, and was blinded by the sudden bright light.

As his vision returned, the scene only grew stranger. Defying several laws of physics, the Washington Monument floated through the air, as did the Supreme Court Building and even the Pentagon.

Bernie gaped at the bizarre landscape, quickly noticing what seemed to be the cause of the chaos: a massive, upside-down figure of a person, chained by the feet to a colossal smartphone.

"Millennialsnacht…" said a voice from nearby. Bernie tore himself away from the scene to see a person in a gray outfit facing the monster.

They held a small, green shield with a dollar sign emblazoned across it, and as he watched they launched themselves through the air towards Millennialsnacht. "I won't let you win!"

As the mysterious warrior flew, Bernie noticed one detail as if in slow motion.

They were wearing a toupee.

* * *

Bernie woke up with a start.

He didn't remember what he had just been dreaming about, but he had a sneaking suspicion it involved a certain capitalist he had met the day before.

As he yawned and got out of bed, his thoughts drifted back to the election. How could he beat Trump?

Bernie made his way downstairs and made himself a bowl of cereal. He still hadn't come up with a single strategy yet after the tense encounter outside school, and it was making him nervous.

As he grabbed the milk and began pouring in into the bowl, he started to recall what had happened after that meeting-

"Have you chosen your wish yet?"

Bernie dropped the milk, and it made a dull splat as it hit the floor.

The small creature from yesterday was sitting on the windowsill, its long white ears framing inscrutable red eyes.

It blinked. "What's wrong?"

Bernie stammered in disbelief. He'd thought that bizarre encounter had been some sort of dream. "You… you're real?"

"Yes, as far as I know." The creature's gaze didn't waver for a second.

Bernie pulled himself out of his confusion and quickly started cleaning up the spilled milk. Even at a time like this, he refused to waste food, when there were students who lived in poverty and couldn't afford to eat well.

As he got caught up in these thoughts, tears threatened to spill from Bernie's eyes at the crushing reality of economic inequality.

"Like I said, have you decided on your wish?" The creature- Kyubey, he now remembered- jumped down from the windowsill. Its paws made no sound as it wandered around the kitchen.

"No, I guess I haven't…" Bernie said quietly.

"If you want to be class president, you can wish for that." Its tail twitched idly. "As soon as you decide, I'll complete the contract and you'll become a magical girl."

"No." Bernie replied firmly. "I want to be president, but I won't cheat. I want my classmates to elect me willingly, or else it's meaningless."

"All right. It doesn't really matter what you wish for."

"Why do I need to become a magical girl anyway?" Bernie asked. "Can't you just find someone else?"

Kyubey leapt onto the kitchen table in front of him. "Magical girls exist to battle against wicked beings known as Millennials. I chose you because I could tell you were a good person, and would fight to defend people from them if given the chance."

He couldn't disagree. If there were innocent people who needed him, Bernie Sanders couldn't stand the thought of letting them down.

"And also, that child you're going against… He's a magical girl as well."

Bernie was shocked. "Trump made a contract with you too?"

"Yes," said Kyubey. "When I asked him, his answer came immediately. He wished for a small loan of a million dollars."

So that was how Trump had gained his fortune. It would have been one thing if he had used that cash to help those in need, but Bernie remembered how he had flaunted his wealth and was filled with righteous anger.

"You won't be able to fight against him as you are now, so hurry up and choose your wish soon." Kyubey curled up into a ball to rest. "Besides that, don't you need to get to school?"

Bernie realized he had lost track of time while trying to make sense of the situation, and hurried out the door.

He couldn't break his perfect attendance record now. With the election fast approaching, he needed to make sure his classmates knew he could be counted on.

* * *

"Let me get this straight, you're saying a talking cat wants to make you class president?" Joe Biden raised his eyebrow. "You sure you're not working too hard on the campaign, Bern?"

Bernie sighed. "I'm fine, Joe. And I didn't say it WAS a cat, I said it looked like one."

"What did you say its name was again? Cuba?"

"Kyubey. That's what it called itself, at least." Bernie wasn't sure how to convince his friend he wasn't joking. "Look, just come by my house after school. It'll be there, probably. I think."

Joe took a long sip from his juice box. "Sounds like a pretty unreliable cat, man."

The clamor of the cafeteria surrounded them as they talked, so there wasn't much danger of being overheard. Bernie felt he couldn't be too careful, though. The last thing he needed right now were rumors spreading that he thought he could communicate with cats.

Joe stopped eating, and his expression changed to unease. "Watch out. 1% at 6 o'clock."

Bernie turned around to see Donald Trump strutting in his direction with the rich boy's near-permanent smirk.

He was followed by two boys who Bernie recognized as Trump's friends: Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz.

Trump suddenly careened forward towards Bernie, nearly hurling his food tray at him as he fell. Bernie tried to dodge the flying lunch, but was hit with a baloney sandwich and a side of chips.

The capitalist stood back up arrogantly. "Haha! Sorry about that, Sanders. Guess I just tripped on…" He reached under his shoe to find a green note. "…This thousand-dollar bill!"

Trump threw it towards him. "Here, take it. Plenty more where that came from!"

He and his friends walked away, chuckling at poor Bernie's expense.

Joe winced. "Here, let me help you clean that off. I can't believe even Trump would do something like that."

But the humiliation wasn't what made Bernie mad. It was the incredible privilege Trump had showed as he wasted food and money without a second thought.

'I can't let someone like him become class president…' Bernie thought as he and his best friend wiped mustard off his shirt. 'I have to beat Trump, and keep his capitalism away from our school. I just have to!'


	3. Chapter 3

The trees lining the sidewalk rustled gently in the wind as Bernie and Joe walked towards Bernie's house.

Joe was telling Bernie stories about the election that had happened before Bernie transferred into the school. "So then Barack says 'The 1980s are calling to ask for their school curriculum back because, you know, the Cold War's been over for 20 years.' And the whole class just goes wild."

Bernie gasped, and Joe continued his story. "Romney lost not long after that, but it was touch and go there for a while." He smiled and pointed towards himself. "I like to think that my help was the thing that tipped the odds in our favor, but I guess we'll never know."

"I'm sure you made a huge difference!" Bernie said enthusiastically. Joe had been the one to encourage him to run, and without having him as a friend Bernie knew he wouldn't have made it this far.

"Anyway, that was before Barack and Michelle started going out." Joe seemed slightly reluctant to talk about this part. "They're still together, I think."

Bernie turned a corner, and stopped for a minute to give some of his his pocket money to a homeless person. "Why haven't I seen Barack around school? Did he transfer away?"

"No…" Joe paused. "He's been in the hospital for a while."

Bernie was shocked. "Oh, that's awful... Is he going to be all right?"

His friend stared at the pavement as they continued walking. "Yeah, it's nothing too bad, but they don't know when he'll be able to come back to school. I visit him pretty often." Joe brightened up a little as a thought occurred to him. "Hey, you should come with me sometime! I'm sure he'd like to meet you."

Bernie nodded. "Yeah, definitely!" He was eager to meet the boy he had heard so much about. Maybe he could even get some advice for his campaign. As the next class president after him, he'd be following in Barack's footsteps if he won. And that was a big 'if.'

He would have soon been lost in thoughts of Trump, if he hadn't then noticed something unusual.

As they crossed in front of a abandoned storefront, there was a muted noise from inside.

Bernie stopped and grabbed Joe's arm to tell him to hold on. "Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"There was a noise in there, like somebody crying out." Bernie listened carefully, and Joe joined him after a second. The noise could be clearly heard this time. It was a voice from inside the supposedly empty building, yelling something indecipherable.

"Who could be in there?" Joe asked. "That place went out ages ago, and the whole building is abandoned."

"I don't know," Bernie replied quietly, "but whoever they are, it sounds like they need help…"

He pulled out his phone, realizing that his hands were shaking slightly. "Maybe we should call the police or something. It could be dangerous."

"Yeah." Joe moved forward and tried to look through a boarded-up window. "You're right, but I think I'm gonna try and find out what's going on. You call the police and wait here."

He pulled on the door handle and it swung upen, unlocked.

"Wait, don't go in there alone!" Bernie couldn't let his friend get into a scary situation like this.

Joe turned back. "This person sounds desperate. I can't just wait here while they're in trouble."

Another faint cry could be heard, more easily now that the door was open. Bernie winced. "All right." He put the phone in his pocket. "But I'm coming with you."

Joe realized it was no use arguing with him. "Ok, let's go."

Together, the two walked through the doorway…

And into a scene straight out of a nightmare.

The inside of what had appeared to be a normal building had been transformed into a fractured, unstable hall of mirrors that gleefully spun and twisted around them into impossible shapes and formations. Rays of multicolored light spiraled around and reflected off every surface to illuminate a massive tilting platform in the center of the room, around which danced groups of small, unidentifiable beings. A simple, unfamiliar rhythm played from an old-fashioned music box somewhere unseen.

On top of the platform stood what might have been a human if not for the refracting orb of glass that stood atop its neck. It wore a suit that shifted between many different colors, and was emblazoned with the words "#narcissism" and "#follow4follow."

Bernie couldn't force himself to speak a single word. What was this? How had they gotten into this terrifying wonderland?

Only minutes ago, they had been walking home from school on a relatively normal, peaceful day.

He heard a noise from Joe, and saw that he had frozen up in disbelief the same way as Bernie.

In the split second he was distracted, the glass-headed ghoul reached out in Bernie's direction with an impossibly long and fast arm, holding what looked like a "selfie stick" in its hand. Bernie barely registered the sudden, violent movement out of the corner of his eye, but was powerless to dodge in time.

Was this it?

Bernie didn't want to die.

He didn't want to die like this-

A metal staff flew past his face and slammed into the being's weapon, crushing it and knocking the monster back. It howled as another piece of steel materialized from nothing and pinned it to the floor.

Bernie felt a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, you're both gonna be just fine."

A gray-haired boy in a yellow and white outfit strode past him, reaching out to grasp a steel beam that appeared out of thin air. He pulled it back, and jumped high into the air as the monster screeched and started to pull out the metal keeping it in place.

The older boy spun around in midair and summoned more beams, floating around him, and they flew together to combine into a massive hammer-like form. As he flew down towards his enemy, it caught fire and started to drip molten steel.

"Melting Finale!"

The hammer crashed onto the beast with the speed and force of a freight train, obliterating it and shattering all the mirrors with a shockwave. As the bizarre scenery started to fade and turn into a normal building again, the boy let his weapon vanish as he turned to face the two shocked boys.

"Now, I'm sure you both have plenty of questions about all that. But we should go back to my place before we talk." There was a small flash of light, and the yellow outfit was replaced by normal clothes. "However, I can tell you two things now." He reached out and offered his hand for Bernie to shake.

"My name is George W. Bush, and I'm a magical girl."


	4. Chapter 4

George's home turned out to be a spacious apartment on the second floor of a building in the middle of town. There wasn't much furniture aside from a small table and chairs, making the room seem very open and a bit lonely.

There were several amateur paintings of dogs hanging on the walls. Bernie wondered if George had painted them himself

"Sit anywhere you like," he said as Bernie and Joe followed him inside. "I can go make some tea for us all."

The two both sat next to each other at the table as George went to the kitchen. The shock of their recent encounter hadn't completely worn off, but they were at least able to think about things rationally again.

So that was what a Millennial looked like. Bernie had imagined something terrible when he had heard about them from Kyubey, but it couldn't compare to their true horror. Would he really have to battle monsters like that if he made a contract?

Thinking about it a different way, though, becoming a magical girl would give him the power to fight against them. He'd seen the way George showed no fear or weakness when he faced the Millennial. If Bernie could be strong like that, strong enough to protect people like George had protected them… Maybe it would be worth it.

George entered the room carrying a tray with three cups of tea. He placed it on the table and sat in the open chair across from them.

"Let's get right to it. Do either of you know what that thing was?"

Bernie hadn't heard all of the facts yet, so he couldn't answer either way. "I know a little."

"I'll give you the short version, then." George took a sip of tea and Bernie, not wanting to be rude, did the same. It tasted good, but slightly bitter.

"Millennials are malevolent entities that prey on humanity. It isn't known how or why they suddenly began to appear less than forty years ago, but the threat they pose is undeniable. Normal humans can't hope to defeat them."

He pulled out a yellow gem that hung around his neck. "That's why we need these. It's called a Voter Gem, and with it I can transform into a magical girl. The catch is that when you use its power, your 'approval rating' diminishes and it will become tainted."

Next, he showed them a small black egg-shaped object with a sharp point at one end. "And this is what's known as a Freedom Seed. When a Millennial is destroyed, it leaves one of these behind. It can then be used to increase your approval rating to purify your Gem."

He moved the two close together, and the Voter Gem glowed as a shadow flowed out of it and into the Seed. Bernie watched it carefully. Kyubey hadn't explained this part to him yet.

Raising his hand, Joe spoke for the first time. "So you've made a contract with the cat Bernie was talking about?"

George nodded. "I met Kyubey and made my wish years ago. But that isn't important. What I want to talk about now is the two of you, and whether you're cut out to be magical girls."

Joe seemed surprised. "Me, too? But I haven't even met Kyubey."

George's eyes narrowed. "Now that you've come face-to-face with a Millennial, what would you do if given the choice? Would you take the power and battle against them, or go back to your normal life and pretend it didn't happen?"

"I'd fight." There was no hesitation in Joe's voice. "There's no way I could do nothing after seeing how dangerous they are."

"Then I have no doubt Kyubey will meet you soon." George smiled. "Also, I should mention that normal people can't see Millennials. Only magical girls, and ones with the potential to become them."

Bernie didn't know what to do. Only this morning, he had thought that if people were in trouble he wouldn't have to think twice before going to their aid. But now that he had seen the enemy…

"Of course, no-one would fault you for choosing not to become a magical girl."

Bernie jumped, and was suddenly filled with shame. George had practically read his mind.

The gray-haired boy was serious, but smiled at him. "The life of a magical girl is hard, and certainly not for everyone, even if you have the potential. The fear never completely goes away. Every time I go out there to do battle, I'm fighting a war on terror. But I made my decision and I wouldn't change it if I could."

He waited patiently for Bernie to get his thoughts under control, taking another sip of the bitter tea. "As long as you have no regrets afterward, then whatever you decide, you've made the right choice."

Bernie finally settled on a reply. "I don't know if I'm cut out for being a magical girl. But there's something important to me that I definitely have to do, and I think I need to make a contract to do it."

George's smile didn't change. "Well, then, I suppose it's just a matter of deciding how important that thing is to you. Either way, it's your decision. Don't let anyone force your opinion, especially me or Kyubey."

George's words calmed him, and Bernie finally felt like he really did have a choice. "Thank you, Mr. Bush."

The older boy laughed. "Oh, just call me George. Nobody's called me Mr. Bush since I was class president at my old school."

Bernie was surprised. "You were class president, George?"

"Yes, back when I went to USA Middle School." George looked like he was reliving a nostalgic part of his past. "I nearly lost the election to a kid named Al, but won in the end."

Bernie stood up from his chair in excitement. "I'm running for class president at USA, too! Do you think you could give me some tips for my campaign?"

"Of course." George reached out to shake Bernie's hand. "Both of you, feel free to come over anytime you need some help or advice, both with the election or with being a potential magical girl."

Bernie and Joe both thanked him again and left to walk home. After they were gone, George sighed and sat back down.

"You can come out now."

A familiar white animal wandered into the living room from the balcony. Kyubey climbed onto the chair Joe had sat in, and curled up into a ball. "How did it go?"

George pushed his hair back, and his expression darkened. "Mission accomplished, I guess. They'll both definitely make contracts with you sooner or later."

Kyubey didn't answer. It merely stretched its front paws, and blinked once.

"Can I ask you one thing?" George said. "Why Sanders? He seemed weak and indecisive. Do you really need more magical girls that badly?"

The animal's expression stayed the same as always. "He's important. More than you know."

George seemed to accept this as the only answer he would receive, and crossed his arms. "I hope you know what you're doing, you little monster."

Kyubey blinked again, and for a moment it almost looked like a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Joe Biden hated the hospital.

It wasn't that he had any fear of hospitals. He had nothing against them, of course, and without this one plenty of people would be in trouble. But he still tensed up every time he crossed through its front doors.

Because he knew, just upstairs, his oldest friend was fighting a battle he wouldn't win.

He made his way past a small crowd of waiting patients to the front desk. A nurse sent him through almost immediately, recognizing him from his many visits.

Joe climbed the stairs, the nurse's words echoing in his head: "There was a girl visiting him earlier, but she went home about half an hour ago."

Joe Biden hated Michelle.

It wasn't that he had anything against her personally, he knew she was a good person. Barack always seemed happier with her around. But he still felt a hollowness inside him every time she was mentioned.

Because he knew, deep inside, he was fighting a battle he wouldn't win.

Pushing open the white door of Room 44, Joe entered the place that had been his friend's home for the last few months.

Barack was sleeping soundly in the bed that took up a good amount of the room, hooked up to several machines. Joe sat on a hard plastic chair beside it and closed his eyes.

A machine steadily beeped in the corner. Joe didn't know what it was for, but the noise was almost comforting.

"Hey, Barack. How have you been doing?" He paused. "I've been doing all right, mostly.

"...

"I lied to Bernie earlier. Told him that what you have isn't that bad. I don't know why, it just slipped out. Maybe I'm trying to lie to myself, too.

If anyone had looked in the room, it would look as if he was talking to himself. But he was speaking to the sleeping boy in front of him, as if he were confessing his sins.

"Oh, I also said he should come visit sometime soon. Sorry I didn't ask first, but I figured you'd like to meet him. He's gonna run for class president, you know, just like we did. I've been helping him out with his campaign strategy.

"...

"...A lot of weird stuff has happened the last few days. Stuff that you wouldn't believe. And I don't mean like, 'that Richard dude from the high school across town broke into school to change his test scores and got expelled' levels of unbelievable. I'm talking invisible monsters and magic wish-granting cats.

"...

"...

"...And the weirdest thing is that I'm thinking about taking that wish.

"...

"What do you think?"

Silence.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Figured you'd say that.

"...

"You remember back when we first met?

"It was summer. We were both late to school, running around that street corner at about a hundred miles an hour. We hit each other like an asteroid crashing into the earth and I was out cold for five solid minutes.

"And when I woke back up, there you were.

"You were as late as I was, and you were going to be in real trouble if you didn't show up on time that day. Our class was having a test. But you didn't go to school, you sat there on the hot sidewalk for five minutes, waiting for me to wake up. You said afterwards you were gonna call an ambulance if I was out for much longer than that.

"My eyes opened and there was your face, lit up like a second sun burning down on me. And I knew I was screwed.

"My hands were sweaty and shaking just a bit when you pulled me up, but you didn't notice. Or I hoped you didn't.

"When I suggested we run in the election, I was joking, you know. Maybe I was half-serious, but only because it could be a new excuse for us to spend time together. As if we weren't together enough. But I was greedy, and it was never enough for me.

"But then I said hey, why don't we run? and you said yeah, let's do it.

"And suddenly I wanted to do it, too.

"I remember every second of that campaign like it's frozen in time. The posters, the slogans, the debates. Every slip-up, every success, every time I wanted to quit and every time I was glad I never did.

"And before I knew it, we had done it. You were class president, and I was your VP. President Obama. Who would've thought. They said we couldn't do it, but yes we freakin' could.

"That lasted a few months.

"Then you brought this girl in that I'd never seen before. I asked, is she your friend? And you said no, she was your girlfriend, you just hadn't introduced us yet.

"I said congratulations to the two of you, and I felt myself fall apart.

"Why didn't I just keep my eyes closed on that street corner. Why didn't I walk away now and never stop walking... That's what I thought, and that's why I avoided you the next day, and the next, and the next.

"Then I got a call from your mom. She told me you wouldn't be going to school the next day. You had a cold.

"...

"It wasn't a cold.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"You haven't been to school even once since I got that call.

"...

"I'm sorry, Barack. I can't stop myself from feeling the way I do. But maybe I can make it up to you."

Joe opened his eyes and stood from the chair, stretching. He walked across the hard floor and leaned against the wall.

"You heard all that, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Kyubey was sitting on the floor behind him, like a spirit that had appeared from nothingness.

"So you'll make your contract?"

"Yeah. I'll be a magical girl for you. I'll fight those monsters and save people. But not just because it's the right thing to do."

Kyubey's white body blended with the white floor and walls, making its red eyes stand out.

"What is your wish, Joe Biden?"

Joe stood over the bed that contained his sleeping friend. "I want him to be well again. Permanently."

"As you wish."

As Kyubey prepared to finalize the contract, Joe's gaze went to Barack's peaceful, sleeping face.

Joe Biden hated himself.

It wasn't that he had was afraid of being a magical girl, and he knew he would be saving people's lives. But he still clenched his fist tightly even as a blue gem appeared in his hand with a blinding light.

Because for a moment, he had thought that just maybe he had finally found a battle he could win.

* * *

Outside the hospital, a figure dressed in a green hooded jacket watched as an unmistakable light invisible to most people streamed through the window of Room 44.

They scoffed, and turned to walk away. "What a fool. He'll learn soon enough not to make deals with the devil."

As she pulled the hood of her jacket down, Hillary Clinton smirked, and took a bite out of an apple. "And I'll be the one to teach him."


	6. Chapter 6

"You got the stuff, Jeb?"

The smaller boy pulled out a container full of something green and handed it to his friend. "O-of course, Donald. Right here."

Donald Trump ripped the lid off and took a long whiff of its contents. "Oh yeah. This is the real good stuff. My second favorite green-colored thing in the world."

He took a gold-leaf-coated tortilla chip out of his bag, dipped it into the box, and took a bite. "Jeb, my man, you sure do know your guac."

They were sitting inside Trump's disgustingly expensive house, on the top floor of a tall tower. Most people assumed Trump Tower had been funded and built by Donald's father, but it was actually owned exclusively by Donald himself. Of course, he could have never afforded it if not for the wish he'd made all those months ago, but nobody needed to know that.

"I'm really glad to hear that..." Jeb was quiet and submissive as usual, but seemed to have something on his mind this time. "Donald, I wanted to ask you something."

"Hmm?" Donald licked his lips. "What is it?"

Jeb gulped. "Well... I was thinking maybe I could get back in the race and try to run for class president too? I know how important winning this is to you, but it's always been my dream to follow in my older brother's footsteps and become president myself..."

Donald didn't respond, only taking out another chip and slowly consuming it with the guac bite by crunching bite, letting the other boy squirm. "Jeb. Do you know why we're friends?"

Sweat rolled down Jeb Bush's face. "Because you like my guacamole?"

"True. But that's not the main reason." He loomed over Jeb as his friend shivered and quaked. "We're friends because I know you'll always do what's best for me, and the class. And don't you think me being president would be the best?"

"Of course, and I do support you, it's just that-"

"If you make a move against me, I'll destroy you."Donald took the guac bowl and dumped its wet, squishy contents on Jeb's head. "Don't get in my way, Bush, or you'll end up like Sanders."

Ted Cruz entered the scene only to stop as he noticed what was happening. "Whoa, I go to the bathroom for five minutes and you're guac-dunking Jeb? What did I miss?"

"Nothing much." Donald patted Jeb on the back as if nothing had happened. "Jeb here was just saying how he's gonna work even harder on the campaign from now on."

Jeb nodded furiously. "O-o-of course, Donald, I won't let you down!"

Ted laughed and sat down on the other side of the massive couch. Donald winced when the boy reached over to put his finger in the green dip that coated Joe's head and lick it off.

Donald knew Jeb was firmly under his thumb, but there were depths to Ted's darkness that could scare even him. Once or twice, he'd seen a twinkle of something evil in his friend's eyes that seemed to say "prepare to die."

He stood from the couch as a familiar sensation shot through him to indicate there was a Millennial nearby. Donald smiled. A new Freedom Seed was just what he needed right now.

"I've got to go out and play some golf for a bit. You both keep working on the campaign here."

Jeb nodded some more, and Ted gave him a thumbs up. "See you later. Always be sexy, man!"

Donald shuddered on the inside.

Once he took the elevator all the way down to street level, he left the building and went into an alleyway nearby. With a flash of light he donned his black and gray magical girl outfit, green shield in hand.

A man in old, ragged clothing that he hadn't noticed stared in disbelief. Donald turned up his nose at him, repulsed to have to see someone like that in person. Why didn't they all just buy new clothes and houses of their own? It was a disgrace.

He left and headed over the rooftops to where he'd sensed the Millennial. It was in a construction site, where a new mall was going to be built. Today there wasn't anyone working on the site, which suited Donald just fine. No small fries to get in the way of his work.

Donald entered its typically disorienting pocket dimension and spotted the monster right away. This Millennial was barely humanoid and looked to be made of solid gold, standing on top of a massive pillar, with a spotlight shining down on it. Around it were floating signs, on which were written variations of "We're All #1" and "Just For Showing Up Trophy"

Donald could appreciate the aesthetic, but it had to die. He reached for his second weapon, a handgun, and froze time with the shield's ability. He ran around the Millennial, firing off round after round, and then let time click back into place. The monster was riddled with holes in an instant and exploded, fading away.

A Freedom Seed rolled across the ground, and Donald reached to pick it up. Before he could grab it, though, a red boot came down and stepped on top of the black sphere. He looked up to see a familiar face, and scowled. "It's been a long time, Clinton."

Hillary Clinton finished off the apple she had been gnawing on, and lifted her foot off the Seed, picking it up herself and twirling it around by the spike. "Not long enough, Trump. Thanks for the Freedom Seed, by the way, I can't ever have enough of 'em."

Donald didn't mince words. "Why are you back? I thought your fight with George sent you packing months ago."

Hillary grinned. "Oh, that's not why I left. I've just been chilling in Cedar Rapids, since there's less competition there. It's like a Seed buffet."

She tossed the Freedom Seed in the air and caught it again. "I do wonder what George would say if he knew you were such great friends with his brother, though."

"You can't scare me, Clinton. Answer the question. Why are you here?"

Hillary took two steps towards him, and he didn't move. "Because I heard something big is going down soon. According to my information there's some sort of super-Millennial coming."

Noticing the twinge of surprise that crossed Donald's face, she gasped in partly mock surprise. "So you do know something about it. Interesting." Hillary spun on her heel, and strode away. "That's all I need to know. Thank you, Trump!"

He clenched his fist as the red-suited girl left the construction site and his frustration overflowed. Not because of her theft of the Seed, he could get more of those easily enough. What worried him was something far more important.

Hillary wasn't supposed to be here. She couldn't be. Not on this timeline, anyway.

Something drastic had changed. And only time would tell what its effects would be on the future Donald was working so desperately to prevent.

* * *

"We have another new transfer student today, class!"

Donald watched in horror as a certain girl sauntered into the classroom as if she owned it, raising her hand as she spoke to the other students.

"Hey, my name's Hillary. I've been out of town for a while, but this place is my home. I love it here, and I love this school. And that's why..."

Donald gripped his pencil so hard that it snapped as Hillary continued, looking straight at him as if to challenge him directly.

"I'm running for Class President!"


	7. Chapter 7

"Very well done!"

George W. Bush watched as Joe Biden sliced through the Millennial with his weapon, a long, thin sword, and it exploded. "That was a relatively weak one, but you're fighting better than I did back when I had just made my contract."

The younger boy glowed at the praise. "Thanks!" He put a hand behind his head. "I'm... not completely sure how I did some of that, though. Maybe fighting skills came along with the weapon."

"That would make sense. It'll help the training go faster, then."

Bernie Sanders was amazed. Out of the three of them, he was the only one who hadn't yet made a contract with Kyubey and become a magical girl, so he had neither the abilities nor flashy outfits that came with that, but he had almost no fear of the Millennials with Joe and George by his side.

The others transformed back to normal since their enemy had been destroyed, and walked over to the safe zone Bernie had been watching from, just outside the room but still within the empty building. Joe held his hand up for a high five, and Bernie obliged happily.

"Bernie, what did you think of all that?" George asked him. "I figured that giving you a glimpse of what a magical girl's life is like would in aid in your decision."

Bernie thought about how to reply. "It's definitely helped me think more clearly about it. Thank you, George."

"No problem. I wanted to give Joe some basic training as well, since it wasn't something I got when I was starting out. Being able to pass on my knowledge is more fun than I anticipated."

George and Joe both perked up as their Millennial sense seemed to inducate something, and looked in the same direction.

"Is that another one?" Joe asked. "It feels smaller. Like there's less of a presence."

"It's common for weaker Millennials to group together. We can go take out in a minute." George reached down and plucked a Freedom Seed off the floor. "You can take this. Your first reward."

Joe accepted it from him, handling it gingerly. "So I just touch it to my Voter Gem?"

"That's correct."

He did as George said, and his blue gem shone brighter as the newly acquired Seed was used up. "Awesome!"

Bernie felt a bit left out of the conversation, but it was all right. He wanted to learn as much as possible before choosing whether to make the contract. And if he did, he still had to come up with a perfect wish. The question of what to pick when faced with a near-infinite amount of choices was daunting. He had to find a wish that could benefit the most people possible.

While he was mixed up in all of this, Bernie had to be careful to not lose his focus when it came to the upcoming election, especially with the new candidate, Hillary, who had announced her campaign the previous day. Donald would be tough to beat alone, but now he had to compete with a total stranger as well.

Something about her campaign seemed strange to him, though. It was like she was only running to create chaos, and didn't care about the outcome. Hillary's disinterest was good for him, but he certainly couldn't rule her out.

He reassured himself that these experiences with George and Joe would only make him a better candidate. After all, he was sure that what his classmates wanted to see in their president was somebody who not necessarily could win every fight, but they wanted to see him stand up and fight for what he believed in, and take his case to the classroom. What better way to do that than by becoming a magical girl and defeating capitalism?

"Earth to Bernie, you all right over there?"

Bernie jumped, and realized he'd completely spaced out. "Sorry, Joe, I'm here. Are you going to fight the other one?"

Joe had transformed back into his blue and white outfit, sword hanging from his hip. "Yeah, but you can stay here if you want. It should only take a second for George and me."

"I'll come with you." Bernie didn't want to miss out on the action, or be left behind by the others.

They traveled a short distance to another wing of the building, carefully scouting each pathway just in case. George led the way, with Joe close behind and Bernie in the rear.

This odd group entered a large, open room to be faced with their newest opponent. This Millennial was much smaller than the others. In appearance, it was closer to a doll than a human.

George summoned his weapon just in case, and Joe moved forward to kill the monster. As soon as he got close enough, it began shooting high-pressure jets of water at him. Dangerous, but not nearly fast enough to keep up with Joe, who dodged and weaved through the blasts to swing his weapon in an deadly arc through its tiny body.

It fell in two pieces, but didn't explode like other Millennials. Bernie was confused, watching from a closer distance than last time. How was it not dead?

George motioned for Joe to come back, wary of something. "It may have been concealing it's true power by using that puppet-like form to hide. We can't be sure how strong it truly is, so keep close to me." He looked over to Bernie. "Be careful, and stay back."

* * *

George had seen a Millennial like this before. When he had destroyed its false form, it had attacked from the shadows and nearly killed him. It didn't matter to him if Biden or the Sanders kid died, but according to Kyubey they were valuable, so for the moment he needed to keep them both breathing.

He scanned the area while summoning several steel beams. There was no sign of anything he could see, and his second sense wouldn't work this close to it. Where was it hiding?

George caught a glimpse of movement for the corner of his eye and threw a steel beam reflexively. It smashed a glass window, revealing nothing behind it. He realized that the window could have been reflecting something... Something above them.

George looked up as fast as possible to see a gigantic wormlike monster with a human face staring down at him. Its mouth hung open wide, revealing inhumanly sharp teeth.

He recognized those blank, emotionless eyes. It couldn't be... Marco Rubio? He had left town months ago, right after making his contract. Rubio shouldn't have been anywhere near here, let alone in this form.

The Millennial wailed as it launched its huge form towards him, mouth gaping wide. "Thirsty... So thirsty..."

George threw himself aside at the last moment, and the creature crashed through rotten floorboards and down into the basement.

Judging by its poor aim, it was tracking him using something other than sight... He looked down to notice that his pants had been hit by one of the water jets from earlier, and one leg was soaking wet. Maybe it was following the scent of the water?

"Get out of here! Both of you!" he yelled to Joe and Bernie. They both backed up, but neither seemed to want to leave him alone with the monster. '"Damn it," he muttered, "their foolish need to help others is going to get them both killed!"

In the split second he was distracted by them, he heard the floor behind him erupt into splinters. He twisted around and pulled two steel beams in front of him to block it.

Its attack didn't come from the direction of the noise. The creature had again flown, impossibly fast, to the roof above him. As soon as he realized this, it was too late.

The monster descended from the rafters silently, almost gracefully, and Marco Rubio bit off George W. Bush's head


	8. Chapter 8

Bernie watched as George's body crumbled to the floor, like a puppet with its strings neatly cut. Blood spilled out from him and flowed to form a scarlet puddle as the mindless Millennial that had killed him flew above, hunting for more food.

This wasn't possible.

George had been a magical girl for years before they had met him. He was far stronger than anyone else they knew. If he could be killed by a lone Millennial...

What chance did they have to win the battle?

What chance did they even have to survive?

The Millennial turned with inhuman speed to face Joe. It had locked onto the water that had splashed him earlier. Its mouth opened wide to reveal rows of shark-like teeth, and moved towards him.

Bernie saw Joe try to dodge, but his shoe had been caught on a broken floorboard. Joe frantically tried to pull it loose as the monster rushed him, gaping maw poised to snap shut like it had on George's neck.

Bernie moved unconsciously, bolting at his friend and shoving him out of the way. As they fell, the Millennial's momentum carried it straight at Bernie, and he could tell there was no way to escape its teeth.

He was glad that at least he had given Joe a chance to get away.

Bernie closed his eyes and braced for the impact...

It never came.

He opened his eyes to see the Millennial falling from the sky, pierced through by a spear and beginning to break apart and fade into mist.

As it disappeared from the world, a girl wearing a red outfit pulled the spear back and spun it to hold it over her shoulder. She took a bite of an apple. Bernie wasn't sure where it had come from.

"So George bit the dust? That's better than I expected. I thought he'd only be wounded." She pointed the spear at them, not looking impressed. "You're Biden and Sanders, right? I heard Kyubey was using George to get you both to make contracts."

The strange girl raised an eyebrow at Bernie's lack of a magical girl uniform. "Guess they only got one of you."

It had taken Bernie a minute to recognize her in this new outfit. "Hillary, from USA Middle School? You're a magical girl too?"

She grinned. "Believe it, Sanders. I was one of the first magical girls around here. I haven't been back to my hometown in a while, but when I came back all I found was trouble."

Joe was still processing everything she had said before. "Wait, Kyubey is... was using George? What do you mean?"

"I mean, they had a pretty nice operation running. The little creature got more magical girls for whatever reason he needed them, and George got the Freedom Seeds they dropped when he killed them later."

Joe involuntarily stepped back in disbelief. "Killed them? What is that supposed to-"

Hillary smiled maliciously. "Do you know what a Millennial is?"

"They're monsters that attack people, and-."

"Besides that. Their origin."

Bernie was confused. "But nobody knows that, George told us they just appeared..."

Hillary laughed out loud. "You think you can trust a word that guy said? I'll tell you exactly where Millennials come from."

She met Bernie's gaze, her expression darkening. "They come from us."

Hillary pulled out her Voter Gem. "When a magical girl's Gem becomes corrupted and their approval rating falls too low, they drop out of the race... The human race, that is. They become a Millennial, and can never return to their previous form."

"No..." Joe shook his head, overwhelmed by everything he had just seen and heard. "No! That's not true!"

Bernie stared in shock at the girl who had shattered their world with just a few sentences. She took another bite out of the apple. "It's true. We're all just monsters waiting to be unleashed. That's why my philosophy is to do whatever I want in the meantime, while I'm still controlling my actions."

Joe was becoming even angrier as she went on. "You can't be serious."

"I'm dead serious. I would have made George admit it to you if he'd only been strong enough to fight off that Millennial. He's out of the way now, though, so I guess bringing that monster with me back from Cedar Rapids wasn't a waste."

Bernie was going to say something, and he himself wasn't sure what it was, but Joe spoke first in a voice that trembled with fury. "You brought it here? You... you killed him?"

"You could say that, yeah." Hillary tilted her head quizzically. "Why are you mad? You should be thanking me. He's the one who tricked you both, even if he was being used himself."

She looked at Joe. "If you're the only one who made a contract, then I guess it was you who I saw at the hospital that day. I can guess what you wished for, and take it from me, there is nothing in this world more foolish than wasting a wish on someone else. Especially someone who won't return your feelings."

Hillary tossed the apple in the air and reached out to catch it.

It split in half before she could.

Joe had covered the distance between them in an instant, sword flashing through the air. He thrust it at her in a violent strike fueled by rage and grief.

She parried with her long spear effortlessly, and jumped back. "Oh? This is starting to get even more interesting."

Her opponent pushed forward, swinging his sword in short arcs that she deflected with her weapon. Hillary lunged in, yelling. "Show me what you can do, George's prey!"

Bernie couldn't stop either of them. He knew this battle could only end in death, but without the powers of a magical girl there was absolutely nothing he could do. He could only watch.

The two flew back and forth, surrounded by flashes where their weapons made contact. Neither side would give an inch of ground. The fight would only grow more intense as long as they kept going.

Bernie could see that Joe wasn't holding back. He fully intended to kill Hillary. As Bernie watched, he noticed Joe's Gem begin to cloud over until it was a murky gray instead of blue.

"Joe! Stop! You'll-"

But his friend couldn't hear anything in this state. If Hillary had been telling the truth then Joe would become a monster if he stayed like this for too long. Maybe that was her objective now, to remove him from the equation and take another Seed for herself.

Bernie cried out at the top of his lungs. "Joe, don't!"

As his scream rang out through the building, there was a new flash of light, and everything stopped.

Time itself had frozen, and both Joe and Hillary weren't moving. Bernie was the only one to witness this strange development.

Footsteps heralded the arrival of a new player in this twisted game. Bernie felt a familiar chill run through him as Donald Trump entered the room.

"Hello, Sanders. We need to talk."

Feeling a sickening sense of deja vu, Bernie replied, "About what?"

Donald looked down on him. "I told you before, there were things you didn't know about this world. You know most of the secrets now. But you're still ignorant to the full truth of things." He pointed at Bernie. "It's time I told you everything about myself."


	9. Chapter 9

Donald couldn't believe what he was seeing or hearing as the white, catlike animal addressed him in the alleyway he'd hidden in to get away.

"You have the potential to become a hero, and defeat monsters like the one you just escaped. All you have to do is make a contract with me and become a magical girl!"

The boy who'd introduced himself as George was standing behind the creature, arms crossed. "If you choose to make a contract, I'd be happy to help train you. You won't be dropped into this fight alone."

A girl stood next to him, also in a magical girl outfit. "George's been training me, too, and he's not too bad. I don't really care what you decide, but I can vouch for that at least."

He asked Kyubey a question to try and make the situation feel real. "So I can wish for anything I want?"

Kyubey flicked its tail. "As long as it will not create a paradox, anything you wish for will be granted."

Donald wasn't sure what to do, but he could tell that this was an opportunity. "All right. I'll do it. I'll make a contract."

"What is your wish, then?"

"I..." Donald looked down before answering. "... I want to make a friend."

* * *

Only a few months had passed since that encounter, but Donald had been training under George almost the whole time. The girl, who he later learned was named Hillary, had gotten in some kind of fight with their mentor and left town not long after he made his contract.

He'd faced many different types of Millennials already. But now he was faced with a more frightening opponent.

The teacher, Mr. Paul, clapped once to get his student's attention. "Class, we have a new transfer student joining us today! I'm sure you'll all give him a warm welcome."

Donald entered the classroom to be met with the stares of his peers. He hid behind his books, shy and terrified of all the new people.

But one boy approached him and took him by the hand.

"Hi, My name's Bernie." Bernie smiled and Donald suddenly felt much less afraid. "I'll show you around!"

* * *

How had it come to this?

The colossal form of Millennialsnacht hovered hundreds of feet above, wreaking havoc upon the country, but Donald didn't care at all.

The only thing he could see was Bernie's body lying broken and still in the rubble, next to George's.

This couldn't happen. Not Bernie. Only last week they had celebrated his win in the election.

Last week...

The realization hit Donald like a truck going 'bing bing bong.'

He hadn't tried to use his powers to travel through time yet, only to stop it temporarily. If he could use his abilities to their utmost, maybe he could undo all this tragedy and suffering.

Donald activated his power, and the wasteland their world had become faded to white as he disappeared through time and space.

* * *

"Class, we have a new transfer student joining us today! I'm sure you'll all give him a warm welcome."

Donald Trump entered the classroom, no longer afraid of any of the people he saw. Bernie approached him, just like before, and when he took his hand and smiled Donald nearly wept in relief.

He had stolen this second chance at life, and this time he would not let his friend die.

* * *

Nothing had changed at all.

The world still fell and Bernie still died at the hands of Millennialsnacht. He'd done everything in his power to change the world and nothing had happened.

Donald did weep this time, but not in relief.

Bernie's body lay in front of him, his soul gone once more.

He knew exactly what he had to do. Everything went white again, and Donald's resolve became as strong as steel.

He would not let the country be destroyed, no matter how many times he had to go back. No matter how long it took, or how many times he had to watch as his best and first friend died in his arms...

Donald would make America great again.

* * *

"I'm sure you'll all give him a warm welcome."

Donald strode into the classroom, not sparing a glance at the people he'd already met hundreds of times before. He'd learned that becoming attached to people invited only pain when he would reset the timeline later. This time, he would have to be ruthless and cold.

Donald had learned in his fiftieth timeline that the lynchpin of the apocalypse was the election for Class President that Bernie had won every time. If Bernie lost, maybe the timeline could be changed. Maybe he could finally stop Millennialsnacht before it came into being.

He knew Bernie better than he knew himself, and could tell he wouldn't just believe Donald's story and drop out willingly until he had seen magical girls and Millennials firsthand. But Donald wanted to keep him far away from that dangerous world, if possible.

"My name's Donald, but you can call me Mr. Trump. I'm richer than all you suckers combined," he told the classroom. He pulled out several hundred dollar bills and rubbed them on his face.

It seemed like a pointless, thoughtless action, but it was calculated to make Bernie fall into despair and ultimately drop out of the election. He knew how much Bernie hated the 1% and had decided the best way to defeat him was by showing him the power rich people held over society, in order to make him give up in the face of an overwhelming force.

He would have to become the thing Bernie hated most in order to save him. The irony wasn't lost on Donald. But it was a necessary deception.

This timeline, he would finally save Bernie.

* * *

"That's the truth. I've been through countless timelines, only to see the country wiped out again and again." Donald looked like an entirely different boy to Bernie, now that he had dropped his capitalist persona and revealed his past. He seemed smaller somehow.

"Now, what will you do?"

Bernie didn't know how to respond. For so long, he had viewed Trump as a dastardly opponent that he had to defeat to save his class. Could he trust this story now?

Donald pleaded with him. "To save the world, you need to give up the election. I have no other option but to trust that you'll do the right thing. Please, San... Bernie. Only you can save the world from Millennialsnacht."

Fragmented pieces of information flew around in Bernie's head. Joe, Hillary, Donald, Millennialsnacht, George, Kyubey, the future, his death, his wish, the election...

He had no idea what was happening. He had no idea what to do.

But he did know without a doubt that the election wasn't as important as the end of the world. If there was even a chance Donald was telling the truth...

"All right," he heard himself say. "I promise that I'll... I'll drop out of the race."

Donald's face twisted into an inhuman smile.

"You absolute fool."

He walked forward like a predatory animal towards Bernie. "You know, most of what I said was the truth. You might have actually saved the world by promising that. But I don't care about Millennialsnacht or the end of the world. I haven't cared about any of that in a hundred lifetimes."

Donald pulled out a wad of cash and licked it, shivering in ecstasy. "Money, money, money, money, money! Some people got to have it, some people really need it. It's the one and only thing that matters to me now. Money is power. Money will never, ever betray you. And in every timeline, you're the one thing standing in the way of me becoming the richest man in the world."

Bernie staggered back, the realization of what he had done finally hitting him at full force. The whirlwind of questions and thoughts that had overcome him was replaced by a cold truth.

"Every time you become Class President, you abolish capitalism, and then all my money means nothing anymore. That is something I cannot allow." Donald reached to his shield, and deactivated its ability. Time clicked back into place and Joe and Hillary's fight raged on once more.

Against the backdrop of pitched battle, Donald sneered at Bernie. "I win, Sanders. And so does capitalism. It looks like you truly never did 'sanders' a chance."


	10. Chapter 10

A deafening crash came from the center of the abandoned bulding as spear collided with sword, and neither came close to yielding. Both Hillary and Joe strained to get the upper hand.

"Ah, you're not bad! No wonder George chose you." Hillary waited for a response that never came. Joe merely pulled his sword back and swiftly moved in to stab.

Hillary dodged, swinging her spear to try and knock him off his feet. "So angry you can't even speak? What, are you still upset over that jerk's death?"

Joe jumped, and his sword came down like a guillotine from above. Hillary swung her spear to intercept it and moved cleanly into a whiplike motion, thrusting her weapon-wielding hand in front of herself and bending her knees to block Joe's secondary attack.

While Joe readied another strike, she moved backwards and across to hide behind a wall. When he moved near enough she began stabbing her spear through the wall rapidly, coming close to a direct hit several times.

The wall was destroyed quickly by attacks from both side, and their battle commenced again.

"You didn't 'sanders' a chance! Hahahahahaha!" Donald repeated his joke a second time, obviously quite proud of his wit.

Bernie had finally understood Donald's plan. When he had been overcome with confusion and fear, he'd taken Donald at his word and sworn to drop out of the election. Bernie would never, ever go back on a promise, and Donald knew it. He had known Bernie better than anyone else.

What could Bernie do? Had capitalism truly defeated him once and for all? Sometime during this, he had fallen to his knees once again, just like the first day they had met.

Donald continued to monologue, pacing around him. "My I.Q. is one of the highest, after all, so it's no surprise you didn't see through my ruse. You're just one pathetic boy with an ego big enough that you thought you could actually stop capitalism by yourself, alone."

Donald's words echoed through Bernie's mind. He stood, legs shaking.

"You're wrong."

The capitalist stopped, staring down at Bernie disdainfully. "What, do you think you can beat me? I, Donald J. Trump, have won. It's my complete victory."

Bernie clenched his hand into a fist. "You're wrong, Trump. I'm not alone, and I never have been. Not with my supporters- my friends- by my side!"

"Do you really believe that?" Donald laughed uproariously. "It's over, Sanders! Now that you can't win the election, Millennialsnacht won't arrive. I'll keep increasing my fortune until I become the richest person who has ever lived!"

* * *

Unnoticed by all, one more person was inside the building.

It wasn't that he was trying to hide from them. It was simply that every other person around him was too preocupied with their own suffering and their own battles to see him.

This boy had always been invisible to most people around him, because of his quiet and timid personality. He'd lived his entire life in the shadow of another, but that was how he liked it, or at least that was what he told himself. His greatest wish was to be more like that person.

It was why he had made his contract with Kyubey, only a few weeks ago, without anyone else's knowledge. His wish wasn't a selfish one, nor was it of any real importance. He merely wished for the skills to make the world's best version of his only friend's favorite food.

Guacamole.

Jeb Bush knelt in front of his brother's body, and wailed as he was swallowed whole by rage and pain and every other emotion he had crushed and hidden within himself.

It only took a second for his Voter Gem to turn black as midnight.

* * *

The bulding started to shake and crumble around Bernie and Donald, dark energies lancing through its hallways as if drawn to the center. Even without the senses of a magical girl, Bernie could feel an evil force that had appeared from nothingness to inhabit this place.

Bernie searched wildly for Joe and Hillary, and saw them both as confused as he was. Their fight had finally stopped, for the moment at least.

"No... No, it's impossible. My predictions were flawless," Donald whispered. "It can't destroy the world now, not when I've finally won!"

The ceiling began to break into pieces under the incredible pressure, and all four of them ran to avoid the falling debris.

When they had made it clear of the building, Bernie looked back to see the rubble reforming into a massive rectangle. As it came together, he recognized its shape.

It was the smartphone that Millennialsnacht had been attached to, in his dream from so long ago.

The apocalypse was here.

Its massive, human frame emerged as it rose from the wreckage. It was at least the size of a five-story building already, and only growing in size and power. Unlike other Millennials, it couldn't even be contained by a pocket dimension.

Hillary whistled. "It's even bigger than I thought it would be! I can't wait to see what kind of Freedom Seed that thing will drop."

"You can't stop that thing by yourself." Donald had already given up to despair, most likely because he'd tried and failed so many times before. "Even if all of us fought it we'd lose. Nothing can stop Millennialsnacht, in any timeline."

He reached out to his green shield, and activated its power. Before their eyes, he started to vanish in a flash of light.

Donald looked at Bernie with something like regret. "One final word of advice, Sanders. The world is a dangerous place. We need a tough, strong leader in the classroom. And it's not this guy! You can't even defend your friends. How will you defend your classmates?" He pointed to himself. "No matter how much you fight, you'll never win against capitalists like me."

"See you in another life, Sanders." With that last statement, Donald disappeared into the past, and Bernie was left alone with Joe and Hillary.

"Biden, you want to help me fight that thing? If you don't, it could just kill us all." Hillary's antagonistic attitute towards Joe had also vanished, leading Bernie to suspect it had only been an attempt to corrupt his Gem. She didn't seem very concerned, but Bernie could tell she was only trying to keep herself calm as she saw Millennialsnacht's true power.

She had recognized that no one person could defeat it, and Joe grudglingly admitted the same. "All right. But after this, we're enemies again."

Hillary smirked. "Wouldn't have it any other way!"

The two magical girls launched themselves towards the monster, which barely even seemed to notice them as they spun and danced around its body, throwing attack after attack at it to no avail.

Millennialsnacht ignored them as they fought to the absolute limits of their abilities, becoming a pure, righteous force. Their weapons couldn't even scratch the monster's skin as it began to rain destruction and death down upon the city.

Bernie already knew the outcome of all of this. Donald had been right when he had said no-one could stop Millennialsnacht.

But for the first time, Bernie knew exactly what he had to do.

The name left his lips like a prayer. "Kyubey."

On the top of a nearby wall, the catlike creature watched him with eyes red as blood. "Yes?"

"I know what my wish is."

Kyubey jumped down, and walked to him. "What do you wish for?"

He told Kyubey his wish.

The creature paused. "That will cause a paradox. If I make this happen, you will cease to exist, now, in the past, and for all time. Do you still wish for that, Bernie Sanders?"

Bernie nodded, and Kyubey blinked. "As you wish, then."

In the midst of battle, Joe felt a new disturbance with his magical girl sense, and whirled to see what was happening. Now, it was his turn to cry out to try and stop his friend before it was too late. "Bernie, no! Don't do it!"

"I'm sorry, Joe. This is the only way." Bernie closed his eyes as the world turned to light and was washed away.

Through all of time, suffering, tragedy, and capitalism were being erased from reality forever. No more Millennials, no more magical girls. No more corruption and greed and evil.

And no more Bernie Sanders.


	11. Epilogue: The Election Story

It was the start of a new day at USA Middle School. The sun was still rising, and birds were singing in the trees as students hurried to get to school on time.

As far as the eye could see, peace and equality reigned all across the land. Capitalism had been abolished, and there was no longer a 99% or a 1%. They had all finally been united as the 100%.

In dark alleyways and abandoned buildings, Millennials and magical girls no longer fought their pointless battles. When the world had been reset, Kyubey had been sent back to whatever hell it had come from originally, and the cycle was broken forever.

The door to the classroom was pushed open by a small flood of students. They talked and laughed amongst themselves as they prepared for the day.

"-ugh, I hate Dr. Carson's history class, he always goes on about his pyramid theory-"

"-so then the guy says something about how he has 'binders full of women' and I just want to get out of there-"

The last few children entered the classroom just in time and went to their seats quickly. The room was almost completely full now, with all sorts of children eager to learn.

But one desk, right next to a boy named Joe Biden, was empty.

Someone had sat there before, but no-one in the school could say who that mysterious student had been. Whoever it was, they were gone now, but the desk remained empty.

Joe sat under the arm of another boy, his face covered in a nervous, yet happy grin. The other boy was talking to him with a similar expression.

"-should've told me sooner! Me and Michelle broke up a few weeks after we got together, when we realized some stuff and decided we were better as just friends. After that, I realized the person who I really liked... had been beside me the whole time."

Barack Obama reached over to hold Joe Biden's hand. "Joe, will you go out with me?"

On the other side of the room, two new students were being shown to their desks by a boy named Jeb Bush.

The first was a boy with a conspicuous blonde toupee. The second was a girl wearing a green hoodie, doing something on her smartphone as she listened to Jeb.

"-so you'll both be sitting next to each other here. If you need any questions, feel free to ask me any time!" Jeb paused. "Well, during school hours, at least. My dance classes eat up a lot of time outside of that, but I'll try to help you both transition in easily!"

Hillary Clinton ignored him, continuing to tap away on her phone. The boy sat down in his new place dramatically and pompously, as if trying to show that he was above everyone else in the class.

A strange-looking boy was in the seat next to him, peeking over the top of the newspaper he held, with a glint of something dark behind his eyes. "Hey, fresh meat, you want me to find your horoscope? Maybe it'll predict your death..."

Donald Trump met his dangerous gaze without flinching. "That stuff is just a big lie. No thanks."

Scoffing, Jeb admonished his boyfriend. "You shouldn't try to scare the new kids, Teddy! They have to be nurtured with love and care for a perfect learning environment. That's what George told me yesterday."

Ted Cruz put down the newspaper and laughed. "Sorry. I can't help it when I see a good pranking target." He reached out to shake Donald's hand.

Hillary, meanwhile, was still deleting old messages on her phone, oblivious to the situation. She pulled an apple out of her pocket, and moved in to take a bite.

But before she could, it was whisked out of her hand. Another girl stood behind her with a smile. "I'm all about the healthy eating, but you shouldn't take food in class."

The girl tossed her back the apple. "I'm Michelle. What's your name?"

"Hillary." She took a bite of the apple, ignoring what Michelle had said. "If that's against the rules, shouldn't you take that kid's water too?" Hillary pointed to Marco Rubio, who was drinking from a large tub of water in the corner.

"Oh, it's not against the rules." Michelle grinned. "I just wanted an excuse to talk to the cute new girl."

Hillary raised an eyebrow, but put her phone away.

At the front of the class, the teacher, Ron Paul, had arrived with a large box in his hands. He clapped to bring the class to attention. "Now, as you all should know, today is the election for Class President! We don't have any official candidates right now, so you can write in whoever you like, as long as they're in this class. You can even vote for yourself."

Donald perked up at that last part.

Slips of paper were handed out to everyone, and the students began writing the names of their chosen candidates on them. When everyone finished choosing, they filed up to put their ballots into the box.

After every student had voted, Mr. Paul opened the box and began to count the votes. He pulled out the first one, and took a long pause before reading it to the room.

"...Bernie Sanders."

A strange sensation ran through every person in the classroom.

There was no boy named Bernie Sanders in their class, or even in the school.

But somehow, that name sounded very, very familiar indeed.

The teacher pulled out another vote, and another. "Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders." He kept going through every vote in the box. "Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders."

You could hear a pin drop in the absolute silence that had taken over the room.

"Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders."

Not one person could explain just why they had voted for this mysterious, unknown boy. They had all simply felt a deep belief that he was the only one who could lead them properly.

"Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Donald Trump. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders."

Mr. Paul finished reading the votes, and put them down on the table with shaking hands. "Our new Class President, with an overwhelming landslide victory... is Bernie Sanders."

The exact second he said those words, the classroom was enveloped in a burning light, and everyone threw their hands over their faces to avoid being blinded.

When it died down, they all opened their eyes, blinking in wonder to try and discover what had caused the event.

A boy stood at the front of the class.

A boy with thick-rimmed glasses, and a smile that could put the sun to shame.

Joe's clair clattered to the ground as he stood up involuntarily. "...Bernie?"

Bernie Sanders spoke to the class, his voice ringing out with warmth and gratefulness. "Your belief in me brought me back from the void. I wouldn't be here if not for each and every one of you. Thank you all so much..."

He looked at his best friend. "Thank you most of all, Joe. I couldn't have done it without you."

Before he knew what he was doing, Joe had run across the room and tackled Bernie in a hug. "Bernie! How could I have forgotten about you..."

Bernie hugged him back. "But you didn't. None of you did, in your hearts. That's why you voted for me, isn't it?"

Wiping away a tear, Joe nodded. "I guess you're right, Bernie."

Joe patted Bernie on the back and went back to his desk, giving his friend room to address the class.

Bernie looked over his fellow students with a smile. "I promise I'll make all of you proud. I've been waiting for the chance to give back to this school and this class, and I swear to all of you that I'll be the best President you've ever seen!"

The entire class began clapping for their new President.

"Congratulations!" said Joe Biden.

"Congratulations!" said Barack Obama.

"Congratulations!" said Michelle Obama.

"Congratulations!" said Hillary Clinton.

"Congratulations!" said Ted Cruz.

"Awack, awawarck," squawked Donald Trump, still in disbelief that he had lost the election.

"Congratulations!" said Jeb Bush.

"Congratulations!" said George W. Bush through Jeb's phone.

"Congratulations!" said Marco Rubio.

"Congratulations!" said Ron Paul.

"Congratulations!" said Kyubey from hell.

Bernie beamed at his friends and supporters. "Thank you so much, everyone!"

The sun had fully risen, and to every student at USA Middle School, the world seemed much brighter. It was a new day.

* * *

PUELLA MAGI BERNIE MAGICA: THE END


End file.
